J'ai un mal a la tete

Today is the 15th day in a row that I've had a headache.

Yes, I have a doctor's appointment.

My theory is that it can be attributed to lack of sleep. Caleb hasn't been sleeping well lately; neither have we.

It's annoying. I feel like my thinking is really cloudy, too.

That's all I have to say about that.

Ampersand EP

Derek Webb and his wife, Sandra McCracken pre-released their first duet album (EP) today. Not surprised, but I'm liking it quite a bit...You can listen to it free at Ampersandep.com. Some good, honest love songs.

A Couple Things

First, thanks to all of you who commented on my last post. I appreciate all of your encouraging words and the concern you have for my family. I think that I got more comments on that post than I had previously received altogether. Maybe I need to vent more in this forum...

I recognize that my last post may lead some people to believe we're living in Compton or something (that's a reference to gangsta rap from the early '90's for those of you who don't know...I've never been to Compton, unless you count vicarious experiences listening to dub tapes of Eazy-E and Ice Cube as a punk kid growing up in small town Maine...it sounded like a pretty rough place)...But my point is that, yes, things go on in our neighborhood that are quite disconcerting, but not to the extent that the boys are being exposed to them or put directly in harm's way; I hope and pray that I won't be careless or reckless in my responsibility to care for Sara and the boys.

Still waiting for a renewed sense of clear direction; there's nothing like a sense of calling to keep you in a place that isn't always comfortable. Again, thanks for all the comments and encouragement.

On another note, I found videos of a couple of my favorite speakers/authors that I would love to share. The first one is Brennan Manning (wrote The Ragamuffin Gospel); Sara and I heard him give this talk at a retreat for young adults in our first year of marriage. This talk is about the love of God. In my opinion, one of the best talks I've ever heard.

The second one is by Shane Claiborne, sort of a hippie-type guy who I think is a remarkable example of living out God's love for the poor and marginalized. He is our age, spent several months living and working with Mother Theresa and is now doing some good things in Philly. In this talk, he basically tells his story, which I think is pretty inspiring.

Need discernment

For the most part, living where we live is good. I like it.

But sometimes living in the " 'hood" sucks. Nothing happened to me; it's just that sometimes you see and hear stuff that is pretty terrible...stuff that really makes you wonder if it's best to stay.

I need discernment to know whether this is where God wants us. Because if He doesn't, then I'm intent on leaving. But if He does, then I need the resolve to keep us here.

Gabe makes me laugh

Last night, I came home from work after stopping by the grocery store, and Sara and the boys were upstairs. Sara was putting Caleb to bed, and Gabe was playing by himself in his room. He heard me come in the front door and was pretty excited that I came home, which is always a nice boost. Now I remember just a few months ago, counting on my hands the number of words Gabe used in a sentence. I think what he said last night from the top of the stairs as I came in the front door must be some kind of new personal record:

"Hi Daddy. Look, I have Mommy's phone. Did you get a lot of stuff? I had a lollipop but I threw it away because it was all gone. I'm wearing three necklaces. I have Mommy's phone; it lights up."

This is probably one of those "you had to be there" things, but it made Sara and me laugh nonetheless.

30 Reasons why B-day #30 was the best!

My 30th birthday was a few days ago and was one of the most enjoyable birthdays I can remember having. Sara really went all out to make my birthday special, and all that she did really meant a lot to me. I thought I'd tell a little about it here:

1. First, I got to sleep in on the big day for the first time in I'm not sure how long. There's something really lovely about sleeping until 9:15.


2. Sara brought me some Starbucks after I woke up.


3. Sara and I got to go out for a lunch date. We each got our drivers' licenses renewed (mine expired on my birthday), and then we had some good Red Robin lunch (happened to bump into my mom there).


4. This was my first birthday with Caleb on the scene, and I got to spend some good time with him and Gabie.


5. Sara hosted a big, extended family birthday party for me at her parents' house, and like 30 people came. That really meant a lot to me, even if they did only show up for the pizza.


6. We bought 10 pizzas for the party for only 50 bucks. Gotta love Little Caesars.


7. My Grandma and Grandpa Hogan were at the party. This past Fall, we had a health scare with my grandpa that has caused me to be extremely grateful for every opportunity I get to build a relationship with him and my grandma.


8. I got presents at the party.


9. One of them was a Wii. Holy cow, I was totally surprised. I was like the kid from the Christmas Story movie, hoping for a Red Robin BB Gun, but convinced it wasn't going to happen. Sara had me pretty duped. The card she gave me for my birthday had a check in it with a note to buy myself one, but I didn't intend on cashing it. Then, she said "We have one more present for you." (It was from Sara, her sister, my mom, and mother-in-law.) The box was pretty small, so when I saw it, I didn't have the slightest hope of it being a Wii, but it was, and I was pretty thrilled. I'm not sure if it's okay for 30 year olds to get excited about toys, but I sure did. Thanks to Beck for being the hero to find a Wii where there was no Wii.


10. The next day, we went home and had a great family day together.


11. That night, I overheard Sara on the baby monitor, talking about me on the phone. It sounded sneaky, and in retrospect, I shouldn't have listened, but I couldn't not listen. Turns out Sara had another surprise lined up for me...She arranged for my best man, my best friend from childhood, Justin, to come out from Maine to spend the long weekend with us. I wasn't supposed to find out until her showed up at the door on Saturday morning, but it worked out well to know a couple days in advance.


12. On Friday, I finished a very daunting report I had been working on for the grant that has funded my work for the past 3 years. It felt pretty good to press that "submit" button and put it behind me. Ahhh.


13. On Saturday, Justin came into town. It made me really proud to get to introduce him to my boys and for them to get to meet and spend time with him. I loved getting to spend the 4 days with him, too. It's great to get to be around a friend who's known you since you were a punk kid. We have lots of good memories.


14. My mom came out for lunch and we got some good lunch from MacArthurs.


15. On Saturday night, Sara had another birthday party for me, to which friends were invited. Three other couples and 7 other kids showed up.


16. It was a lot of fun watching Gabe play with all the kids while they were here. He seemed to really enjoy it.


17. The fellas all played Wii. It was too fun. Boxing makes you tired.


18. We got 5 pizzas for 25 bucks. You gotta love Little Caesars.


19. For a final birthday surprise, Sara acquired some Blackhawks tickets for Justin and me to attend the game on Sunday night. They were skybox seats. Need I say more? It's honestly the second NHL game I've ever watched, but it was quite fun.


20. I was just really touched by Sara's love, generosity, and thoughtfulness this birthday. It truly encouraged and blessed me. I realize how fortunate I am to have a wife, family, and friends who care about me, and I don't take that for granted in the least.


21. For reasons 22-30, I'll post pics from the festivities below. (Each picture counts as 3 reasons.)

Donald Miller: Story

I'm listening to a Donald Miller sermon from Mars Hill back in November. It's pretty darn good. I'd recommend it. Go to http://www.marshill.org/teaching/index.php and click on November 11 to download the MP3 for free.

Beautiful Contentment

Sara's been pestering me to blog for months now, and I have something I finally feel like writing about. So, merry Christmas, Sar.

One of the things I like most about Christmas is the whole present thing, the giving and the getting.

And I'm realizing that when you focus on one of the two (giving/getting) the other becomes unimportant. With all the new crap that's out, in all honesty, my attention is frequently drawn to the "getting." While visions of Wii's jump through my head.

With Gabe almost 3 this year, I really thought that this would be the first year when he'd learn what Christmas is all about: See a toy, want a toy, ask for it for Christmas, and then obsess over it until you finally open it on Christmas morning. Frankly, I've been really excited to hear what he wants and to go out and buy it for him.

Today I asked him what he wants for Christmas, and his answer has really challenged me to get my perspective re-aligned. I asked him what toys he might want to get for Christmas, and he said he already had toys, that he didn't need any new ones. He wasn't being defiant, just matter-of-fact. One of the presents I already bought for him was a big ramp for his cars. I asked him if he'd like to have a new ramp for his cars, and he said. "No, I already have this little one" (a 5 inch ramp that send hot wheels into a little cup). And he was fine with that.

At first, I was sort of disappointed that he wasn't playing along. I was ready to really spoil him this Christmas. And then I realized that this stage of his life is filled with beautiful contentment, that he doesn't spend his days fantasizing about what it would be like to have the next best thing. And I don't want to ruin that. I don't want to teach him that Christmas is the time to be greedy for presents. I don't want to teach him to always want something else or that he is entitled to get whatever he wants in life. I want this beautiful contentment to last.

So, we already got him a couple smaller things; we'll probably get a couple more. But we're not going to over do it. And I hope I'll be able to walk through this season with a spirit of gratitude and contentment, inspired by my little boy.

Funny things Gabe said

These are probably "you had to be there" funny, so if you decide to keep reading, you've been forwarned.

I came home from work tonight and Gabe was lining up all of his alphabet flash cards. They all have letters with colorful pictures of word that start with those letters. He pointed out the card the has the "Parent Instructions" on it (no colorful pictures), and I go, jokingly, "What a rip-off!"

Hey kept playing with the cards, and came to the parent card again and said, "This one got tore off; Daddy need to fix it." I thought his understanding of rip-off was pretty cute.

Later, as we talked as he laid down for bed, he said, "Is Mommy your friend?" I said, "Yes, but she's more than my friend, she's my wife. Do you know what that means?" He replied, "Hmm?" So I told him, "It means that we're married and we'll be together until Jesus takes us to heaven." And Gabe says, "No. He just stay in the Bible." You've gotta love 2-year old theology.

Bible Verse

(Thanks to Christian A. for the idea) We've started doing memory verses with Gabe. We started with the very first one ...that leaves like 31,102 more until he's got the whole thing down.

It's just amazing to me how Gabie picks up on stuff. For the first couple days when I tried to get him to repeat parts of the verse after me, he would say, "NO," and cover his mouth with both hands (You'll see some of that here). Then a few days later, when he was in a better mood at the time, he just busted it out after I said, "In the beginning..."

Sharing a Pic, Fishing, and Shenanigans

First, I just saw this picture that Sara took of Gabe at the Apple Orchard last week. It has to be one of my all-time faves. You have to love the hat knit by Ini (Gabe's great-grandma on Sara's mom's side). Nice work, Sar.

Next, my grandpa, dad, brother, brother-in-law, and our two, two year olds spent a great morning fishing this past Saturday. The little boys didn't get too into the actual idea of fishing, but it was good for them (especially Gabe) to be able to get out into nature. (Thanks, Dad, for keeping the boys entertained while the rest of us got to fish.) Between the bunch of us, we caught about 4 fish (none longer than 3 inches...one hooked through the eye) and a nice little turtle (with a net). It was just a blessing to get to spend the time with the guys; I hope we'll do something like this again soon.

Last, I spent some good time late Saturday night hanging out with my buddy, T. We spent time talking about the important things in life, family, faith, politics, etc. until the coffee shop we were in closed. Toward the end of our conversation, we continued our deep talk by discussing the whole mentos + diet coke phenomenon. He had never seen the two combined in person, so we decided to drive to a 24-hour walmart, bought several bottles of diet coke, a pack of mentos rolls and went to a nearby parking lot to try it out. 80% of our attempts didn't do too well, but we got one bottle to launch like 30-40 feet in the air. It was a fun dose of the shenanigans of our youth. But if you read this, please dont tell because we dont want to get in trouble.

Q

Here's a video of Gabe drawing an O and a Q.

I've seen a lot of cool things in my life...

But that....was...AWESOME! (That was a Chris Farley reference...)

Okay, so yesterday I was working in my tiny summer cubicle next to a window on the 3rd floor of our building when I heard what I thought was a drum line on the street (BA-DA-DA-DA-DA, BA-DA-DA-DA). I looked out the window and just saw a semi-truck going by, so I figured it was just stopping hard or something. I see a lot of interesting things out this window...maybe I'll blog about that next; but anyway...

Then, in the distance, maybe a mile to the east, I saw these two, huge, black, mushroom-shaped clouds going into the sky. My first thought was, "Whoa. I get to see a lot of interesting things out this window." Then I felt kind of concerned because the two clouds obviously meant two explosions. There were 4 helicopters circling the rising black smoke within moments. It was pretty cool. I hoped no one was hurt. I kind of wanted to jump in my car to go see what was happening up-close, but I didn't.

I got home at the end of the day and did a little research, only to find out that Batman was responsible.

I'm not talking nonsense here...They are actually filming the next Batman movie here in Chicago this summer, and it turns out they used the old Brach's Candy factory (not too far from where I work) as Gotham Hospital.

(Plot spoiler alert...) When you go to see the new Batman movie next summer, and there's a scene with Gotham Hospital on a nice, sunny day, it's going to get blown up.

And I got to see it live. You gotta love Chicago.

I actually found video of it on youtube, so I'm posting it here. The people shooting the footage use some colorful language, but I'd say it's worth listening to the audio to hear the, uh, "drumline."

New Chimney

We got a new chimney a week or so ago. It's probably not too exciting for those of you who are reading this, but I am just giddy about it. Okay, so I'm not giddy, but I am tremendously thankful that the job is done, that we got (or at least hope we got) a fair price, that nobody fell off our roof, and that the old one never fell on the building next door. Here are some before, during, and after pics...I don't think you can see it here, but before the work was done, you could literally see through the old one:

Working together

This past weekend, I got a chance to mow the lawn for the first time since Caleb's been here. This was the first time that I've allowed Gabe to get his little bubble mower and to "help" me by mowing the lawn (and the driveway) while I was doing my part.

He had a great time and felt really proud; every time I stopped the mower for one reason or another, he'd say, "Ready, Daddy?"and when I started it up again, he'd go about his mowing.

It was a really enjoyable time and made me feel real proud watching Gabe imitate me. It's hard to explain how good it feels to me as a dad when my son wants to get involved in something I'm doing.

I wonder if that's how it is with God, that when we who are His children see Him at work (feeding the poor, reconciling people to Himself, loving people, etc.) and want to get involved in what He's doing , want to "help." I can't help but imagine that He delights at our feeble attempts to imitate Him, that He's fully aware of our own limitations, and that He's the one who's truly accomplishing the work, while simply allowing us to receive the blessing that comes from following Him.

In My Own Strength

While last Saturday, with the birth of our second son, was one of the best days of my life, there are a few key moments from that day I'm pretty disappointed about. For about 1 minute or so, I had to sit down in the delivery room. Any other minute would have been fine, but this turned out to be the minute between Sara's final pushes and Caleb's entrance into the world.

With her contractions becoming regular and intense, Sara and I were up all Friday night and went in to the hospital around 4 AM. When we got to the hospital, we found out that Sara couldn't eat anything from there on out, until Caleb was born. For the most part, due to the way a sleepless night makes me feel un-hungry and also in not wanting to eat in front of Sara when she was feeling quite hungry, I didn't eat much of anything all day.

Around maybe 3:00 or so, I ate a quick hamburger and drank a Coke in the waiting room. Sara started pushing around 3:30; I want to say she only had to push through like 5 contractions. I was by her side through the first 4, telling her she was doing a great job and to keep going and all that jazz, and right after the next to last contraction, I got really light-headed, nauseous, and dizzy. I felt like I was either going to throw up or pass out, so I left Sara's side to sit in the chair near the bed. A few seconds later, Sara has her last contraction, Caleb came out, had his cord cut by the doctor, and was placed on the thing where he had to be suctioned by a neonatologist (there was merconium in his amniotic fluid)...all the while, I was doing the last thing I hoped to be doing in those moments, sitting with my head in my hands and a wet cloth on the back of my neck, trying to get it together so I could stand up again.

All turned out well, they said Caleb's lungs sounded good, and within a minute, I was by Caleb's side, holding his hand with my left hand and videotaping with my right as he cried his first cries. (It was pretty cool how he calmed down and seemed to listen in response to my voice) And I realize that, even if I had been standing by Sara's side, there's a good chance I would not have gotten to cut his cord b/c of the urgency of getting him to the table to be suctioned b/c of the merconium...but I feel like God was using this experience to teach/remind me of a very important spiritual/life principle: I will never be all that my wife and children need me to be, or all I hope to be as a husband and dad in my own strength. I feel like God was using these moments to remind me of the vital importance of "feeding" myself spiritually in order to serve my family well.

When I was younger and life seemed less busy, I was pretty good about consistently spending time with God in prayer and Bible study. I know that God used those times to give me key direction in my life and to change the way I think about a lot of things. In recent years, I've become much more inconsistent, at best. I don't want to be a guy who falls down for his family in the critical times; I want to be the husband Sara needs and the dad Gabe and Caleb need...but I've had a fresh, gentle reminder that I cannot do this on my own. Instead, it's only as I grow in my relationship with God and allow Christ to live through me that this will be possible.

Face functions

Okay, so we're working on helping Gabe be able to identify the functions of each of the parts on his face (not including the forehead, cheeks, or chin...we'll get to those later). He's been cracking me up in the way he's been responding to this...here are a couple of the more recent conversations Gabe and I have had on this topic:

Day 1:

Dan: Gabie, what part of your body do you use to see things?
Gabie: My eyes.
Dan: Good! Now what part of your body do you use to hear things?
Gabie: My ears.
Dan: Now what part of your body do you use to eat things?
Gabie: (Silent)
Dan: You know, where do you put food to eat it?
Gabie: In the micwowave.


Next Day:

Same conversation, got the eyes and ears again...this time I asked him, "Which part of your body do you use to smell?"

His answer? "My butt."

I really couldn't argue with that.

Being a Dad

Since Caleb was born few days ago, I'm feeling the need to do some reflective thinking on little lessons I'm learning about being a dad. Not sure how long I'll stick with this, but I figure it's a good way to record these thoughts, especially during these initial, long nights.

So, that's going to be the new topic of my blog, for now.

Anybody want 2 cats?

Life Lesson #327,896: Don't be impulsive about bringing a pet into your home, even if it's a cute little kitten and your child gets excited about it.

Life Lesson #327,897: If you're going to be impulsive about getting a kitten, for goodness sakes, don't be impulsive and take more than 1.

Life Lesson #327,898: If you impulsively bring 2 kittens into your home, they are a pain in the butt.


I've learned a lot in the past couple of months. If you're reading this entry, you must know Sara and me and how we thought it would be so fun to get kittens for Gabe. If you don't know us...I mean, seriously, don't you have anything better to be doing with your time?

Anyway, these cats are making me nuts.

I always wanted to have pets once we owned a house, and now that we own a house and have put so much work into it, it irks me to no end to watch these little monsters make a mess of everything. I've always wanted to have a dog some day, but... don't tell Sara...I think I'm changing my mind.

I hate bad movies

So here's a post: Right now Sara is watching Must Love Dogs and it it so stupid...The end.